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De Omnibus Dubitandum - Lux Veritas

Wednesday, June 19, 2024

Juneteenth – Build Pander Back Better (satire)

By Robin M. Itzler

Editor's Note: Robin's publishes a weekly newsletter Patriot Neighbors. If you wish to get the full edition, E-mail her at to get on her list, it's free. RK

In what was yet another apparent pander to black Americans, in 2021 President Joe Biden declared June 19th a federal holiday following the George Floyd Riots. The day celebrates when the last American slaves learned of their freedom. After signing the Juneteenth National Independence Day Act into law, it is rumored that Biden asked his chief of staff, “Will this make blacks like me?”

With 2024 being an election year the White House wants to make the most of its pandering. They held a pre-Juneteenth party on June 10, where Biden danced up a storm to exuberantly show his joy for the holiday.

Now Biden is considering adding more federal holidays to the calendar to “Build Pander Back Better.” Some holidays that are under discussion include:

January 4 – World Braille Day: Biden can reach the 66 percent of adults who use some form of vision correction although they never go blind. He would wear a BLM tee shirt as he shouts from the teleprompter, “Blind Lives Matter! Pause.”

February – President’s Day: This is already a federal holiday celebrating two esteemed presidents – George Washington and Abraham Lincoln. But that’s just two of 46!  Biden should insist that each of the other 44 president’s birthdays deserve their own federal holiday. 

February 14 – Valentine’s Day: Think of all the things Biden loves to do: sniff children’s hair, lie about his life, take money from foreign countries, call his wife “doctor,” seek advice from the smartest man he knows, Hunter Biden.

March 17 – Saint Patrick’s Day: Biden can pander to the 31.5 million Americans who claim to be of Irish descent.  Biden can slur his words and speak incoherently, and no one will notice, assuming it was too much green beer.

March 30 – National Take a Walk in the Park Day: Americans can visit local parks to admire all the statues that have been vandalized by Antifa and pro-Hamas thugs including the defaced statue of President George Washington, the father of our country. Perhaps Biden can share how in 1776 he crossed the Delaware with Washington.

April 4 – Tell a Lie Day: Joe Biden does not have to do any prep work for this holiday. He will retell the story of his uncle being eaten by cannibals during World War II.

April 5 – National Deep-Dish Pizza Day: There are nearly 18 million Americans of Italian descent. Biden can talk about the importance of dough in making pizza and the importance of sending dough to Ukraine, so no one learns about his family’s money laundering operations.

May 5 – Cinco de Mayo: Biden can be filmed at a Mexican restaurant saying, “Yo Hispanic! Pausa.” If time permits, he can talk about driving an 18-wheeler while fighting Mexican General Santa Anna at the Alamo.

May 6 – Incontinence Day: If there was any day that Joe Biden would want to recognize, it’s this one. There are about 13 million Americans suffering from some degree of incontinence. That’s a lot of voters completing their ballots between bathroom visits.

June 30 – National Corvette Day: This would be a national observance for any American who has parked their Corvette in the garage near boxes of documents they’ve stolen from their employer.

July 11 – National Pet Photo Day: More than 44 percent of American homes have at least one dog. Biden can hold a special photo ceremony at the White House for all Secret Service agents who have been bitten by one of his German Shepherds.

August 13 – International Left Handers Day: Biden can reach out (with his left hand) to the 10 percent of Americans who are lefties. To avoid confusion, “Dr.” Jill will put a big, blue dot on Joe’s left hand.

September 7 – World Beard Day: Biden can invite trans “women” with beards to the White House. There could be a contest to see which bearded “woman” can best explain what LGBTQQIP2SA++++ stands for. Calvin Klein, which featured a hairy bearded man wearing a bra in an ad, could sponsor the event.

October 31 – Halloween: Without question, this should be a federal holiday to celebrate Americans who masquerade as something they aren’t. For instance, Merrick Garland masquerades as an attorney general who follows the rule of law, Alejandro Mayorkas masquerades as someone who cares about the security of the United States, Kamala Harris masquerades as someone who earned her way up the professional ladder, and Pete Buttigieg masquerades as someone who thinks transportation secretary means building a bike lane.

November 13 – Caregiver Day: According to the National Alliance for Caregiving, 65.7 million Americans were serving as a family caregiver for an ill or disabled relative. Since “Dr.” Jill Biden is viewed by many as First Caregiver, Joe could hold a special ceremony at the Visiting Angels corporate headquarters.

December 18 – International Migrants Day: Any American who has been victimized in a crime by one of the 10 MILLION-PLUS ILLEGAL MIGRANTS that Biden has allowed to waltz unvetted into the United States, can join in the celebration at the southern border. If the American can’t attend because he/she was killed by an illegal migrant, a family member can attend in their place. The event would also be open to Americans who lost their job to an illegal migrant or had their community overtaken by homeless illegal migrant tent cities. Biden can shout (or whisper), “¡Cuanto más major! ¡Votar por Biden! ¡Pausa!” (The more the merrier! Vote for Biden! Pause!)


  1. I think this just about covers it. If we initiate all these new ideas as holidays, working people will have more days off than those who already don't work. The reasons for making them holidays are perfect. Perhaps one more should be considered: October 5 — The day that Biden's dog biting German Shepard was banned from the White House.

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  3. Finally we'll have more holidays than India!🤣🤣

  4. Well done again Robin! Hits many nails on the head!

  5. Finally we'll have more holidays than India!🤣

  6. Excellent!!! Love it! Great job Robin!!

  7. Big day for the Welfare Plantation Slaves. They think they are free.

    1. As they pay more and more taxes to support the illegals that Buyden wants so they'll vote illegally for him.

    2. Dems are always pandering. But, it's not sincere.

  8. It is a big joke on the taxpayer.

  9. We don’t need anymore federal holidays! ridiculous ! The rest of us need to work & get things done

  10. I agree with you mostly, but you left out National Child Slavery Day, a day where all the pedophiles will feel good about their lives, and lastly don't leave out National Fentanal month when mexican cartels and chinese are free to kill our young children! You can probably throw Hunter and Beau's widow into the last one as National Users Day.

  11. Please, no more great ideas for the Dems!

  12. 'juneteenth'??? Giving my attention to any kind of bad behavior only distracts my focus from the strengths and goodness each American is capable of each and everyday!! God Bless America, The Declaration of Independence and The Constitution of the United States

  13. Amen to all here Robin. Thanks for the laughs, although not really funny since they’re so true.

  14. Federal holiday my arse.
    George Floyd was a career criminal.
    Affirmative Action is a failure.
    EEOC is a failure.
    DEI is barnyard refuse.
    Joe who?

  15. I'm sure Biden has sold his soul to the devil as he's willing to sell anything for a vote.

  16. Gene D. Right on!!!

  17. Of course, it is pandering to the blacks. Just like Martin Luther King Day which replaced the separate holidays for Lincoln and Washington. Pandering works, even though so many blacks prefer Malcolm X to Martin Luther King. Actually, Juneteenth does not mark the end of slavery, but only slavery in the Confederate states. The official end of slavery came about 6 months later with the passage of the 13th Amendment to the Constitution.

  18. They are celebrating a Muslim holiday this week in New York. My son works for the Union and gets the day off.

  19. Good stuff that is right on target. They will ultimately want annther one and the liberal white guilt crowd will cancel the one that George and Abraham now share.

  20. Great job, Robin!
    Lots of creativity here and of course Incontinence Day is my favorite, but it should be a month, to be fair.
    I can’t put into words the righteous fury I have for the people who ruined the world while thinking they were saving it.
    I don’t normally carry this much disdain for anyone, and I’m putting it mildly.
    May we live long enough to watch them (Marxists in disguise) suffer the same amount of suffering they have unleashed upon us.

  21. Correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t every Democrat in Congress vote AGAINST the 13th Amendment that put an end to slavery. While every Republican voted to end slavery.
    Wasn’t it Arkansas Governor Orville Faubus, Mississippi Governor Ross Barnett and Alabama Governor George Wallace all Democratic Governors less than 60 years ago fought against school integration in their States?

  22. It’s odd to have this a Federal Holiday, because it’s really attributed to President Lincoln who freed the slaves and we already have a holiday for him.

  23. Nov 20, national clown day, celebrated on Joe's birthday

  24. I feel it is good to recognize the day on its historical merits.
    I do NOT agree with the timing and pandering - once again, every four years - to the black “community” by the Democrats.
    And, as usual, the professional race baiters are at it again.
    Now, they are saying that only blacks should have the day off.
    Well, I have another holiday suggestion or two: Grandparents Day, 25 Years or over Successful Marriage Day, Jewish Celebration Day, Catholic Celebration Day, Heterosexual Celebration Day, and my favorite one - Donald Trump Day :o)

  25. Countries around the world list many holidays and observances, including religious observances or holidays. Thy are not necessarily national holidays. It can be bewildering, especially in the subcontinent.

    India has three national holidays plus 24 religious holidays; and there are separate regional holidays, Bangladesh has fifteen public holidays. Muslims and non-Muslims have four religious holidays each in addition to seven secular national holidays.

    American embassies recognize twenty holidays with time off, ten American, and ten local. The local employees determine which ten local holidays to take. It can vary every year and can vary because of the lunar calendar year. Planning the work year calendar is a convoluted process.

    Biden has chosen a Juneteenth holiday. When he will add more such as Kwanza, Cinco de Mayo, etc. is anybody's guess. We need to stick with ten statuary holidays, and if/when other holidays come along, celebrants can take leave for their time off, or leave without pay.

  26. Robin, you always say it best!!!!