May 15, 2024 By
Pete McArdle
Editor's Note: This appeared here at American thinker. I've not asked for, nor have I received permission to publish this piece, but it is so outstanding I think it needs the broadest possible distribution. If America Thinker or the author object, I will break it down to a link. RK
Joe Biden, long before he was, ahem,
installed as president, pilfered and retained highly classified
information in three different locations, one a presumably
dust-and-spider-infested garage.
But
Robert Hur, the kind of federal prosecutor we should all be so lucky as
to encounter, found that Crusty Joe was much too likable and fried to
ever prosecute or convict. So no charges for poor, old, senile, and
likely incontinent, Sleepy Joe.
And that’s my
defense for anyone triggered by my forthcoming political and social
ramblings. I’m almost seventy-one, I rarely know what day it is, I worry
about nothing save death and taxes (mostly death), I hit my head 1–4
times a night, yet for a former dentist, I’m fairly likable and
unconventionally handsome.
So,
please pretend that I, too, am as fried and blameless as our
practically petrified puppet president. Because, should Funny Business,
Inc. suddenly come a-knockin’, that will be my defense in court
(hopefully not Judge Arthur or Juan’s court in the corrupt Big Apple,
don’t mind the maggots).
So,
tell me, when did it become O.K. for mentally-ill men to swing their
Johnsons in a girls’ locker room? And for them to win medals and awards
that should go to those of the fairer sex? And why did I labor so hard
to be a serviceable b-ball player in NYC men’s leagues, when I could
have simply grown my hair, stuffed my man-bra, shaved my legs, declared
myself a woman and then dominated the WNBA? Hmmm?
And
when did it become fashionable to hate white people, Jews, and
Republicans? I thought hate was bad, and all you need is love. No?
And
why does every single commercial I see, when I occasionally choose to
lower my IQ by watching television, feature a host of Diversity,
Inclusion, and Equity hires? Were there simply no heterosexual white
couples available in a majority Caucasian nation? Or were they
intentionally excluded from representation?
And
why on earth would you celebrate killing an unborn baby? Couples pray
to be blessed with a baby, I know my wife and I did. People spend many
thousands of dollars trying to bring life into this world, while others
look the other way as butchers in white coats dismember the most
vulnerable among us.
Do it if you must. But don’t call it reproductive health care, that’s grotesque.
And
could our government be any more corrupt, inefficient, or wasteful?
Don’t you trust your average sanitation worker, house painter, or Uber
driver much more than the porcine clowns cozying up to the feeding
trough in D.C.? And when our Uniparty talking heads flap their gums
about how they’re trying to help, doesn’t it just make you sick? Your
omniscient, albeit deeply flawed, narrator will be there to help you
long before any of those political poseurs consider moving their ample
posteriors on your behalf.
Speaking of big butts, what’s with the push to glamorize obesity? When did fat become fabulous? Who buys that nonsense?
I’ve
been skinny, just right, kinda chubby, and a major lardbutt. And though
I’m neither skinny nor a major lardbutt at present, less fat is clearly
the way to go. Just ask the now almost-defunct Sports Illustrated
Swimsuit staff. Or ask a physician you can trust.
Speaking
of MDs you can trust, who’s apologizing for the terrible damage done by
the governmental/public health response to COVID-19, a bug that wee
Tony Fauci helped fund, and then tried to blame on a culture that
consumes bats and pangolins? No one?
And
who’s apologizing for a failed vaccine that neither stops the
acquisition nor transmission of the disease, yet did and continues to do
damage to an untold number of trusting souls across the world? What’s
that, you say? No one?
And
the Deep State/D.C. Swamp creatures who abused anyone questioning the
absolute absurdity of closing schools, wearing mostly performative
masks, ruining businesses and lives, standing a capricious 6-feet apart
from your fellow man, and leaving the dying to expire all alone? Will
they ever be taken to task for their knowing perfidy? (Hint: not on your
life!)
And
how about all those college students who probably don’t know what 11x11
equals, or can’t distinguish a gerund from a gonad, or who conflate
Taylor Swift with Jonathan Swift, bravely standing up for the terrorists
who raped, tortured, and killed thousands of Israelis on October 7th?
Could they be any more out of touch? Or spoiled? Or pathetic? Methinks not.
Speaking
of pathetic, who among you believes anything the sad, servile
mainstream media parrots? Do they not lie as easily as they breathe? Are
they not completely predictable as to how they will deal with a given
circumstance? Are they not foul creatures fully under the control of the
D.C. swamp?
They are.
I see, read, or hear anything,
in my diminished state (in case the FBI, the CIA, or Robert Hur is
listening in), and I assume that it’s a lie, a falsehood, an
obfuscation, or a misdirection. You should, too.
And
who’s responsible for allowing anyone and anybody to simply waltz into
our country, unknown, unvetted, and possibly undesirable? Do the folks
permitting this allow just anyone to waltz into their towns, their
country clubs, or their homes? No, silly! They only expect it of you.
And why do today’s movies absolutely suck? Why are we forced to choose between Aquaman V: The Ultimate Sashimi and Ghostbusters: Transgender Terminus? Are you not entertained? Can’t you come up with anything that hasn’t been done before?
And
what’s with all those female starlets with fake breasts, faux lips,
phony eyebrows, and counterfeit teeth? Could they be any less genuine?
And
what’s with our so-called president, a sad, desiccated husk a mere
decade older than moi? Should someone ten years older than me be in
charge of anything? No.
Should someone with considerably less intellectual firepower than me be running the show?
Of course not.
Should a guy who can barely walk, talk, read a teleprompter, or control his bowels, be steering the vaunted ship of state?
Of course not.
I
may be old—which I hope whichever Democrat politician, district
attorney, or judge who decides to come after me understands—but I’m not
stupid.
We
now live in a Bizarro World, where up is down, black is white, boys are
girls, and right is wrong. Words are violence, violence is mostly
peaceful protesting, silence is complicity, and you are the problem for
noticing how wrong it all is.
Myself, I’m frankly not that upset.
For
America truly was great for most of my life, my time on Earth is now
short, and yet I know, at 71, exactly what 11x11 equals.
And for any libs, Feebs, or dweebs listening in to my diatribe, please know that I’m fairly old and can’t be trusted.
My legs are gray, my ears are gnarled, and my eyes are old and bent.
But not as bent as you.
And by now, everyone knows that Joe wasn’t running anything in the White House, he was simply being used, a presidential puppet. He could barely speak, read, reason or walk, yet they kept putting him through his puppet paces. A poor, senile old man being forced to pretend the lights were still on.
It also seems clear his dementia was rapidly becoming worse, and they were, in order to remain in power willing to put this sad sack back into the oval office for anther term, which they had to know he wouldn't survive, and then Kamala would be President, and the media was absolutely complicit in this fraud, remember his clean bill of health! They all knew his was mentally incapacitated and did everything they could to hide it.