As woke policies quietly fade for US corporations, are lawmakers taking up the slack?
Heartlanders, most of whom know with certainty what gender they are, scoffed at proposed woke legislation that would allow the delusional to become a protected class. A new handbag has been designed for those who voted Democrat in 2020, and, under the common-sense scrutiny of flyover folk, the GOP gathered in the City of Brotherly Love, vowing to save America’s public education.
Michigan Struggles to Stay Woke
House Bill 4474 passed the Michigan House by a 59-50 vote and will now wind its way to the state senate and maybe reach Governor Gretchen Whitmer’s desk. It seems innocuous at best – just a legislative package all bundled up and tied with a multi-colored bow. If passed, however, it means anyone in the Great Lake State who calls someone by a pronoun that causes hurt feelings could get fined up to $10,000 and spend up to five years in the clink. Yes, if this bill becomes law, misgendering people in Michigan will become a felony. “A felony? So, they can take your guns and your right to vote,” warned John Reeder.
The bill uses this
language: Any person that applies a “willful course of conduct involving
repeated or continuing harassment of another individual that would
cause a reasonable individual to feel terrorized, frightened, or
threatened, and that actually causes the victim to feel terrorized,
frightened, or threatened.” That’s nearly everyone in the participation
trophy generation, including those confused people who take a handful of
hormone blockers daily.
Not everyone in the state thinks this is a solid idea. “The state of Michigan is now explicitly allowing the gender delusion issue to be used as a ‘protected class.’ This opens up numerous issues when it comes to the courts and the continued weaponization of the system against conservatives,” State Rep. Angela Rigas (R) told Fox News.
“That is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard in my entire life,” said Amy Sowers in Springboro, OH. Others say, just do it and see what happens. Like Tsi Talon, who said: “I’d drive up there just to do it to see them try and come back to KY to enforce it.”
The Biden Handbag
Middle America is not the place to show off wealth or make extravagant purchases, except for that shiny new half-a-million-dollar John Deere combine at the local coffee shop. But dinner table talk in small towns across flyover country turned to the most ridiculous news of the week – a purse called “Microscopic Handbag.” It’s the size of a crumb. It can pass through the eye of a needle. And it was auctioned Wednesday for more than $63,000.
It would appear that Smithsonian Magazine started the tiny bag craze by publishing an article on celebrity interest in tiny handbags. A Brooklyn art and advertising company, MSCHF (which stands for miscellaneous mischief) was featured prominently for their creation. “This time around, MSCHF’s artists decided to focus their attention on luxury purses, some of which have gotten so small they no longer serve their intended purpose of holding items.”
According to one cable news network, the design was inspired by Louis Vuitton. The thing is, you have to look through a microscope even to see it: The overpriced dust spec is “657 by 222 by 700 microns – less than 0.03 inches wide.”
“I’ll take two of them. One in black, the other navy,” ordered Debbie Wormer in Redwood Falls, MN.
MSCHF has also made bank on giant red rubber boots and shoes containing human blood. But West Virginian Samuel Myers can put that bag to good use, claiming: “That’s the size a lot of us need with Biden running the country.”
Not Woke, Just Awake
Philadelphia hosted a Moms for Liberty event featuring the GOP’s big names. It was a weekend full of campaigning boot camp for the faithful and a place for inspiration. Former President Trump, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis, former UN Ambassador Nikki Haley, and former Arkansas Governor Asa Hutchison were on hand to talk about rewriting the US education system.
But, as is his norm, Trump does Trump: He stepped off the stage and headed out to rub shoulders with the common folk. Like him or not, the man is a master at connecting with voters. The former president made a beeline for Pat’s King of Steaks, the famous cheesesteak restaurant. He gripped, grinned, accepted cheers, and took selfies with the excited patrons. And while the video rolled, one black woman, with her arm around the former president for a photo, hollered over the crowd: “My 401K misses you.”
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