A Sophomoric Look at Climate Change

July 16, 2019 By Gordon Wysong

My nephew completed freshman year in college, and he was excited to have qualified for the climate science track. ............On my nephew's first day of Climate 201, the learned professor whetted his appetite by telling him this elite class would develop a climate change model.

He shared with me his list of variables:......... His imagination was running wild, thinking of the complexity he would resolve in only one semester. When he turned in the list, and it was compared to others, he found he had missed forty or so other variables. Not to worry: The class now had a compilation that was certain to lead to an answer. They began the remaining work.

For each variable, the class now began to construct an equation, which would quantify each variable's effect on climate. My nephew chose volcanic activity for his first equation and soon realized that he really needed to analyze undersea versus open-air volcanic activity — so he would need two equations, not one!

A fellow student was working on ocean algae population, and he overheard her say she needed to know the ocean temperature, the different species of algae, where they occurred, and whether their population was affected when undersea volcanoes warmed some region of the ocean. He told her his own equations might be useful, if he could complete them.

What to do? My nephew asked the teacher if he could amend the variable list, since he now had several more unknowns, as did his algae classmate. Suddenly, there was a cacophony of voices from throughout the class. Everyone had more variables — fourteen more from the sunspot guy, nine more from the continental drift girl, and eighteen more from the water vapor team.......

When the din died down, the teacher looked forlorn; the class had not completed one equation yet now had over 100 variables. Some hemming and hawing led to early dismissal, with the promise of a revised assignment the next day.............. His faith was restored the following morning.

Everyone was giddy — except for that one guy who was taking the course merely for grade inflation potential. He asked questions like "What if the effect of the sun caused climate change?" and "Who caused the climate change that caused the last ice age?" and "What if the Earth has a natural ability to balance these variables?".............The next morning started one student short. .........

This led to a secret corollary to mission success. No one will be allowed to dissent from the consensus. As work began, the instructor suddenly announced that he had been recruited to serve a sabbatical with one of his three consultants. Everyone would get an A in the course; all they need do was assert convincingly that fossil fuels increase CO2 emissions and cause global warming. Though there would be no published formula, students would be allowed to assert the theory affirmatively, based on confidential formulas they might someday see.

The Sophomoric Formula that would define success in the climatology would wait, but the entire group of students had now reached the same deep understanding as the wise guy classmate: this was an easy A course ...........To Read More...