Laugh, Cry, or Say Amen

By Robin Itzler

 (From Robin's weekly e-mail newsletter, "Patriot Neighbors".  Subscribe for free by e-mailing her at robinitzler@aol.com)

VP Kamala Harris recently spoke to reporters at the Sycamore & Oak retail village in D.C. and focused on community banks:

"And so for years, we have worked to expand investment in community banks because, you see, community banks specialize in providing loans and financial assistance to small business owners, in particular those in overlooked and underserved communities. And as the name suggests, community banks are in the community." 

Here are some other thoughts that will make you laugh, cry or say amen:

1. The way they are treating Trump, you would think he showered with his minor daughter and laundered money with his crackhead son.
2. George Burns: Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.
3. Dogs prepare you for babies. Cats prepare you for teenagers.
4. Marriage tip: Your wife won’t start an argument with you if you’re cleaning.
5. Accidentally went shopping on an empty stomach and now I’m the proud owner of aisle 
6. Tip for healthy eating: Once you lick the frosting off a cupcake, it becomes a muffin and muffins are healthy to eat.
7. The GOP is nowhere near as committed to saving America as Democrats are to killing her.
8. How can a cemetery raise burial prices and blame it on the cost of living?
9. My wife yelled from upstairs, Do you ever get a shooting pain across  your body like someone’s got a voodoo doll of you and they’re trying to stab it?  I replied, No.  She then called out, How about now?
10. By replacing your morning coffee with green tea, you can lose 87 percent of what little joy you still have left in your life.
11. Sometimes late at night I dig a hole in my backyard just to keep my nosey neighbors guessing.
12. If you ever feel forgotten, just remember there was another person on the plane when Amelia Earhart went missing.
13. It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home. I compared the size of our one-bedroom suite to our friends' three bedroom and ours was significantly smaller.  This seems unfair.
14. When we were in Spain, there were too many Spanish people.
15. Babylon Bee: Family torn between placing grandpa in hospice or having  him run for the Senate.
16. Babylon Bee: Trump charged with questioning election results while not being a Democrat