Is There a Doctor Jill in the House? (Satire)

May 26, 2024 By Robin M. Itzler

In the United States, between 40-50 percent of first marriages end in divorce. It’s even higher for second marriages: a whopping 60-70%. American Thinker contributor Robin Itzler recently met with First Lady Jill Biden to learn more about her and Joe and the secrets of their successful long-time marriage. (This is satire, for those who may be unsure.)

ME: You and President Biden have been married since 1977. There’ve been numerous stories about how you met. Some scenarios raise eyebrows and others are heartwarming. Can you take a few minutes to share how you met your future husband?

JILL: Yes.

ME: Go ahead...

JILL: Yes.

ME: Please take your time...

JILL: Yes.

ME: Okay, moving along. Americans have always been intrigued by our First Ladies, especially their tastes in fashion. Can you tell us when you became fascinated by sofa prints?

JILL: For some reason, the best dress designs are on couches.

ME: As our nation’s First Couple, much is done for you. Are there any tasks you continue to do on your own?

JILL: I like doing some things around our Delaware house. For example, when our daughter Ashley comes for a visit, I always make sure the shower is sparkling clean.

ME: Do you think working Americans identify with you and Joe?

JILL: Lunch Pail Joe and I are just like regular folks who shop at Balmart …

ME: You mean Walmart.

JILL: Yeah, Galmart. We are like average working Americans except most of our friends are in China, Iran, and Ukraine.

ME: Some Americans believe the Biden family partners with the Communist Chinese.

JILL: 绝不 (Never)

ME: Some Americans believe the Biden administration is too cozy with the Islamic terrorist regime in Iran.

JILL: هرگز (Never)

ME: Certainly, there’s reason for suspicion about President Biden being involved with Hunter in Ukraine.

JILL: немає (No)

ME: Joe Biden has been in public office most of his adult life. Some people say he doesn’t understand what it’s like to work in the private sector and live paycheck to paycheck.

JILL: Joe knows what hard work is since he once drove an 18-wheeler.

ME: Besides patriotic Americans, what else does Joe hate?

JILL: Well, he hated that Special Counsel Robert Hur asked him when his son Beau died.

ME: Excuse me, Mrs. ….

JILL: That’s DOCTOR Biden!!! Not, “Mrs.” I spent several hours writing that dissertation paper with all the spelling mistakes and typos so people would have to call me DOCTOR Jill Biden!!!!

ME: My apologies, DOCTOR Biden. But the official transcript shows that Special Counsel Hur never asked President Biden when his son Beau died. It was your husband who brought it up.

JILL: That might be true. However, most of the media is on our side and they will say Hur brought it up. You need to watch The View.

ME: Speaking of the The View, what programs do you and President Biden watch together?

JILL: Our television viewing is limited to when Joe isn’t conducting presidential duties. Joe conducts presidential business between 10 AM and noon with one hour for lunch.

ME: After the horrific Hamas attack on Israel last October 7, it seems to many people that your husband supports the Hamas terrorists.

JILL: Is this interview going to be published in Michigan and Minnesota?

ME: Yes, American Thinker is a leading national conservative website with millions of readers across the United States.

JILL: Well, as Joe said, there are good people on both sides. You have innocent Israelis who were mutilated, tortured, raped, kidnapped or killed, and you have innocent Hamas folks who did all the mutilating, torturing, raping, kidnapping and killing.

ME: Are you and President Biden upset about all the antisemitic protests taking place on college campuses?

JILL: Joe and I think it’s great when college students enjoy the outdoors.

ME: They say surprises are important for a long, loving marriage. Can you share with us a recent surprise gift that Joe gave you?

JILL: Yes, Joe bought me the most beautiful keffiyeh to wear when we visit Michigan and Minnesota.

ME: Special Counsel Hur wrote in his report and repeated before Congress that Joe Biden is an “elderly man with a poor memory.” This is very sensitive, DOCTOR Biden, but there are some people who think President Biden has dementia and—

JILL: Ridiculous! That makes as much sense as saying he wears wide soles to maintain his balance. Or uses the shorter rear stairs on Air Force One to keep from falling. Or hides his slow and shuffling gait, by having others walk with him to and from helicopter Marine One. Or shakes his hand with the air after giving speeches. Or wanders on stage because he doesn’t know to go left or right. Or walks off the stage in the middle of a speech to sniff a child’s hair. Or turns his back on the audience while giving a speech where I need to turn him around.

ME: What was the most frightening moment in all your years together?

JILL: The horrific kitchen fire that lasted 20 minutes and almost resulted in Joe losing his beloved Corvette. You know the Corvette in the garage that protected all the classified documents that Joe took home when he was senator and vice president. Joe said that our small kitchen fire reminded him of the devastating Maui wildfires that killed more than 100 people, destroyed more than 2,200 structures and caused about $5.5 billion in damages. And let’s mention Beau, too.

ME: Besides you, who has most influenced President Biden?

JILL: Corn Pop and Nelson Mandela. Joe was arrested trying to see Mandela in prison.

ME: Even the liberal media says that’s not true.

JILL: But the intelligent gals on the critically acclaimed The View say it’s true.

ME: Does the president have any hobbies?

JILL: Sniffing children’s hair. Would you like to see some photos?

ME: No, thank you. I can find them on the internet.

ME: DOCTOR Biden, some people say you are the driving force behind the President running for re-election.

JILL: Malarkey! That makes as much sense as Joe saying, “pause” when reading the teleprompter.

ME: After 48+ years of marriage, what do you treasure most about Joe Biden?

JILL: Being First Lady.

ME: What do you love most about being Joe’s wife?

JILL: Being First Lady.

ME: What are you most thankful for?

JILL: Being First Lady.

ME: What gives you the most satisfaction in life?

JILL: Being First Lady.

ME: How do you want to be remembered?

JILL: Being First Lady.

ME: Does it bother you that some people accuse you of elder abuse since it’s obvious President Biden suffers from dementia or some mental acuity issue and yet you still want him to run for re-election?

JILL: Being First Lady.

ME: Any final thoughts?

JILL: Being First Lady.

Robin M. Itzler is a regular contributor to American Thinker. She can be reached at PatriotNeighbors@yahoo.com.

Image: YouTube screen grab (edited).

Recent First Ladies and Their Academic Degrees

By David Solway March 09, 2023 

I am frankly amazed at the intellectual ineptitude revealed by our recent Democrat First Ladies’ degree-awarded ventures in academic exposition and by the media adulation they have received for their efforts. Having recently published an analysis of Jill Biden’s doctoral dissertation, pointing out its utter inadequacy, I find it comes as no surprise that former First Lady Michelle Obama considers it a work of substantial merit and heaps accolades on Biden as “a brilliant woman who has distinguished herself in her profession.”

Michelle Obama is herself the recipient of an academic honor in the shape of a Bachelor’s Degree from Princeton for her senior thesis, “Princeton-Educated Blacks and the Black Community,” in which she attempts to estimate “an introspective measure of change, as perceived by the individual” in “the effects of a Princeton education on Blacks and Black students’ attitudes…pre-, intra-, and post-Princeton.” A putative achievement of this dubious nature does not confirm Obama (then Michelle LaVaughn Robinson) as qualified to comment on the brilliance of others.

Given the acclaim Michelle Obama has enjoyed for her influential public voice, it behooves us to consider where and how her career acquired its impetus — her vaunted thesis. True, the thesis was written many years ago, but let us not forget that it served as Obama’s ticket into the “new elite,” despite its being a gallimaufry of platitudes and pseudo-academic fustian..........To Read More...

Afghanistan, Biden, Reality, and the Wonderful World of Imagination

The difference between animals and humans?  The animals would never allow the dumbest of the herd to lead them! - Unknown

 

By Rich Kozlovich, Tags:

 

On August 16, 2021 Monica Showalter published this piece, Biden administration turns into a dumpster fire of blame-evasion, saying:

 

Sheer cowardice has always been a Biden hallmark, so it might at first glance seem to be why Joe Biden is now in hiding as Afghanistan's collapse, the biggest foreign policy failure since Vietnam, engulfs the news.

But evidence is mounting that something different is going on: the Biden team is splintering into some kind of internal warfare and trying to conceal its disarray...... The Bidenites aren't stupid enough to believe their own propaganda about the Afghan horror.......... something that can be gone and forgotten if they can stay away from the cameras for a few days.  They know that this is a defeat of epic proportions. So we are indeed seeing signs of an administration in disarray.

So what does Biden do?  He goes into hiding, with Jill Biden saying he "could ‘project his leadership’ from anywhere".  Big eye rolling smirk and a chuckle, or even a guffaw, is called for here. So like Mrs. Edith Wilson preventing access to her incapacitated husband, Jill is calling the shots, and Old Joe is clueless.   For eight years I thought Obama as the dumbest President ever, even surpassing Jimmy Carter, surrounding himself with people who competed to see who would be dumb and who could be dumber. Obama is now number two and Carter is three.  The Biden administration make the dumbbells in both of those administrations look like Solons.

Then we have Jen Psaki on vacation.  Really? Now when Old Joe needs his number one fabricator, equivocator and prevaricator? His spinner of yarns and teller of tales is "on vacation" leaving the heavy lifting to underlings!  Imagine that!  However, while Afghanistan may not be a priority for Jen, she did have time to make this video, clearly establishing this administration's priorities and mentality.  Not to mention their degree of competence.

Then we have Kamala Harris who reportedly is really upset with Old Joe as she thinks they're trying to pin the blame for this fiasco on her.  So, what do we have thus far.  Joe went into hiding, Jen went on vacation, Jill is in charge and Kamala is outraged she's going to be blamed, which must mean her bragging about playing a "major role in Afghanistan pullout", was a lie?  Imagine that!

Remember how the media excoriated George Bush for being at his Texas ranch, with Cindy Sheehan protesting outside his ranch outraged he wasn't at the White House at all times during the Iraq War?  No particular crisis, just not at the White House.  How many times has the media ripped into Trump for going golfing?  Can you imagine what the media would be doing now if Trump was President and he went on "vacation" at a time like this?  

Whose kidding who?  

They're all in hiding because they've been sitting in a self congratulatory echo chamber full of head nodding economic, military and policy dullards and incompetents telling each other how brilliant they all are.  All living in a media supported wonderful world of imagination.  

But now they're confused and frightened, because they're now discovering reality isn't a wonderful world of imagination.  Reality is hard, it's often brutal and reality requires someone other than a cowardly dullard, his ambitious wife, and a band of equally dull, ignorant incompetents to do the heavy lifting.  Imagine that!

It's one thing to be ignorant.  That's fixable by learning!  But these people are arrogant, and arrogant people are never wrong and will revel in their ignorance.  As for Joe, after his totally lackluster career, where he attempted to monopolize being wrong for almost 50 years in government, Joe is the most ignorant, arrogant and incompetent of them all, and that was known long before this fraudulent election.  And who really knows Biden's real condition today. 

I never bought into anything saying there was harmony in this administration. Or anything that resembles harmony, and the reason why is because there's no one who is actually in charge setting the agenda and parameters of activity.  When that happens there are power struggles where major egos and major differences of view and differences in agenda come into play.  When that happens you get disaster, not harmony.

Finally, do I hear 25th Amendment anyone?  And Kamala just waiting in the wings.  Any bets on how that must really make Jill and her acolytes all warm and fuzzy?  Any bets on how that makes the Democrat party cringe?  What about the rest of the nation?  The sane in America cringe in horror and fear at the thought.  Only left wing lunatics are pleased, since Biden isn't far enough to the left. But no matter how left you may be, eventually it will not be far enough as there are no boundaries on the left. 

But no matter what, Joe Biden, Kamala Harris, this administration and this Democrat Congress is a clear and present danger to America, and to the world.

Imagine that!

'Dr. Jill Biden’ Sure Flies with the U.S.-Hating, Stalinist Castro Regime

Humberto Fontova | Dec 19, 2020 @ Townhall.com

“‘Dr. Jill Biden’ sounds and feels fraudulent, not to say a touch comic. Your degree is, I believe, an Ed.D., a doctor of education, earned at the University of Delaware through a dissertation with the unpromising title ‘Student Retention at the Community College Level: Meeting Students’ Needs.’ A wise man once said that no one should call himself “Dr.” unless he has delivered a child. Think about it, Dr. Jill, and forthwith drop the doc.” (Wall Street Journal, Dec. 11, 2020.)

Alas, no such “feelings of fraudulence” pricked at the conscience of the regime whose lifetime craving was the destruction of the nation that Jill Biden will soon preside over as first lady. When she honored this Stalinist, terror-sponsoring regime with a promotional visit as second lady, the KGB-trained Russia-colluders all gleefully referred to her as “Dr.” 

And why not? She gleefully starred in and helped produce a tourism commercial to boost the America-hating, terror-sponsoring regime’s income. To wit: 

“Dr. Jill Biden in Cuba to study Cuba’s achievements in health and education," read a headline in Stalinist Cuba’s media, Oct. 6, 2016.

More interestingly, during Jill Biden’s co-production with communist apparatchiks of her Potemkin tourism commercial to boost the income of Castro’s military and secret police who majority own Cuba’s tourism industry— her frequent escort was a Cuban lady named Josefina Vidal.

The KGB-trained Vidal was expelled from the U.S. in Oct. 2003 for her suspected operational links to Cuban spy Ana Belen Montes, responsible for the deepest and most damaging penetration of the U.S. Department of Defense in recent history. Montes was known as “Castro’s Queen Jewell” by the intelligence community and was convicted of the same crimes as Ethel and Julius Rosenberg. Today Montes serves a 25-year sentence in federal prison. Only a plea bargain saved her from frying like the Rosenbergs. If Jill Biden suspected Vidal’s background, she gave no indication. 

While Joe Biden served as U.S. vice president, President Obama, employing executive order after executive order, whittled down the (so-called) Cuba embargo and opened a U.S. economic lifeline to the terror-sponsoring Castro regime to a point where the cash-flow from the U.S. to Cuba (mostly in remittances and the tourism spending Jill Biden so graciously boosted) exceeded what the Soviets used to send Cuba at the height of their Castro-sponsorship. No small “achievement.”

As a result—and in a thundering refutation of the liberal/libertarian/Castroite propaganda line that an avalanche of U.S. tourists and their dollars would magically convert Cuba’s Stalinist rulers into Rotarians and their fiefdom into a Caribbean Switzerland—during this Obama/Biden-engineered deluge of U.S. dollars, Castroite repression increased both in Cuba and in their Venezuelan colony. 

And speaking of Cuba’s colonies, when President Reagan was fighting tooth and nail to arm the anti-communist Nicaraguan Contras in their desperate fight against the Soviet/Cuban colonization of their homeland, Senator Joe Biden was just as desperately fighting against the anti-communist freedom-fighters.  

Three different times (in 1984, 1986, 1987) Senator Joe Biden voted and lobbied against Reagan’s attempts to help the anti-communist Nicaraguan Contras, who were being helped by many Bay-of-Pigs affiliated Cuban American heroes including (Che Guevara captor) Felix Rodriguez as volunteers. Years earlier Biden had distinguished himself by voting and lobbying against helping the anti-communist South Vietnamese against their Soviet-lavished mass-murdering enemies. 

“I met so many strong women in Cuba!…Cuba is full of STRONG WOMEN!” Jill Biden gushes in her Cuba tourism commercial. 

She’s right. Problem is, Biden never met with any of them–or featured them in her regime-co-produced commercial. There’s absolutely no mention of the Ladies in White. Instead Biden’s version of “Cuban strong women” are the regime apparatchiks who OPPRESS and TORTURE the Ladies in White–and who spy on the U.S.

Cuban women’s prison conditions were described by former Cuban political prisoner Maritza Lugo. “The punishment cells measure 3 feet wide by 6 feet long. The toilet consisted of an 8 inch hole in the ground through which cockroaches and rats enter, especially in cool temperatures the rats come inside to seek the warmth of our bodies and we were often bitten. For week’s we’d be locked up in total darkness with a little cup of filthy water daily to drink. Nothing to wash or to flush the excrement and vermin crammed whole that passed for a toilet. Nothing to wash away the menstrual-fluid that caked to our legs. The suicide rate among women prisoners was very high.”

Indeed a study found that by 1986, Cuban women’s suicide rate reached 24 per 1,000—making it double Latin America's average, making it triple Cuba's pre-Castro rate, making Cuban women the most suicidal in the world.

How these women survived years and even decades of such horrors then “took charge of their lives” and “got their groove back,” might seem newsworthy and inspirational. Indeed their stories fairly epitomize the most popular themes of women’s chat shows. You can almost hear Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive” as Joy Behar and Whoopie Goldberg greet these long-suffering—but somehow-surviving—Cuban ladies on stage with a standing ovation, sniffles and teary hugs. 

HAH! Instead, “the national media has never shown the slightest interest in any of our stories,” shrugs Caridad Roque from Miami today. Ms. Roque was arrested by Castro’s KGB- trained police at the age of 19 and suffered 16 years of prison and torture in Cuba.     

Her torturer, on the other hand, has been fawningly interviewed by feminists from Barbara Walters to Andrea Mitchell and from Maria Shriver to Oriana Fallaci. On a visit to Cuba in 2002 Feminist pioneer Carole King (also at the “Women’s March”) sang Fidel Castro a personal and heartfelt “You’ve Got a Friend.”