Attacks on Trump? You ain’t seen nothing yet!

 September 14, 2020  By Eric Utter

 -Satire-

President Trump has been the victim of numerous unhinged and unverified attacks recently, each one more preposterous and less vetted than the one before. “Anonymous sources” say he secretly loathes the military and thinks those who serve are “pathetic” and “losers.” His deeply troubled, publicity-seeking niece claims he is “fundamentally a racist” and unfit for office. Joe Biden hilariously claimed that Trump was a danger to Israel… during the same week that the president negotiated a historic peace agreement between Israel and Bahrain and days after he negotiated a similar deal between the United Arab Emirates (U.A.E.) and Israel (for which he was nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize).

And the mainstream media hurls smears and lies at the president like a berserk Pez dispenser.  Yet I’m here to tell you: you ain’t seen nothing yet. As we get ever nearer to Election Day, anti-Trumpers will pull out all the stops and accusations will fly with breathtaking rapidity and frequency. What follows is a short list of what you probably can expect in the coming weeks.

 *Circa September 15th: CNN will cite anonymous sources in a report claiming Trump once ran while carrying scissors in a fifth-grade art class, needlessly and recklessly endangering lives. Eventually, the anonymous sources will admit that he wasn’t truly running, but proceeding at a slow trot, while emphasizing that his behavior was “inexcusable none-the-less."............ More