Watching TV with my wife I saw a movie with the tool man,
Tim Allen. In the movie he was fast
asleep on the couch with a commercial on the television about some pharmaceutical product that
was to “Make You Better Than You Really Are!” The commercial did the thing they always do
with pharmaceuticals and listed all the caveats about the potential side
effects running the gamut from fatigue, muscle spasms, dry mouth, lockjaw to ‘and in rare cases may cause death’.
Followed by an admonition to take their product because it will, “Make
You Better Than You Really Are!”
Naturally I laughed, but just then I had a Shazam moment. What
if we did a commercial promoting ‘going green’ and listed all the potential
harmful effects ‘going green’ can impart?
Well here
goes.
Go Green! Become one with the biosphere and make “yourself”
better than you really are! To attain optimum health and avoid cancer, along
with all the other horrible afflictions caused by industrialization too
terrible to mention, we must eliminate all chemicals including chlorine in the
water, pesticides and vaccinations. Eliminate
artificial fertilizers and adopt organic farming, destroy all the hydroelectric
plants and let the rivers flow free. Stop
drilling for oil and gas to help eliminate any possible pollution that may
impact all the world’s wonderful creatures, large and small, including anything
microscopic that may be harmed by human efforts. Eventually we will end the use of all biofuels,
solar and wind energy for ecological reasons we don’t wish to address right
now. End the use of all motorized transportation
to end carbon emissions and save the Earth from Global Warming. Place all
living creatures, great and small, like the snail darter in a place of worship. Return
to nature and live in mud huts, grow all your own food, make your own clothing from weeds, heat your home and cook your food with dried animal dung, bath in a refreshingly cold stream and defecate in a hole in the ground, and then truly become "one" with the biosphere.
Caution: There may be unpleasant
side effects and infections from untreated water and the lack of pesticide use
and the elimination of all modern conveniences such as hepatitis A and E, dysentery,
pertussis, typhoid, cholera, yellow fever, leishmaniasis, dengue fever, bancroftian,
filariasis, African horse
sickness, African, trypanosomiasis, Kunjin virus, Barmah, Forest virus,
Bluetongue disease,
Brugia timori, Carrion's disease,
Chagas disease. Chikungunya. Malaria, Elaeophora, schneideri, Epidemic typhus, Pappataci fever, Plague (disease),
Pneumonic plague, Septicemic plague, Wuchereria
bancrofti, Mansonelliasis, Mayaro virus
disease, Murray
Valley encephalitis virus, Relapsing fever, Rift Valley fever, Rocio, viral encephalitis, Ross River virus, Severe
fever with thrombocytopenia syndrome, SFTS virus, Tularemia, West Nile virus, Botulism, Campylobacteriosis,
E. coli Infection, M. marinum
infection, Leptospirosis, Otitis, Externa Salmonellosis, Vibrio Illness, SARS
and Polyomavirus infections.
These infections may cause some or all of these symptoms; Loss of
appetite, substantial loss of weight, increased gas, bloating, and flatulence, blood in urine, rash or itchy
skin, anaphylactic shock,
intacranial tension,
vomiting, malnutrition, and underdevelopment, peri-anal itch, nervous
irritability, hyperactivity and insomnia, dry mouth, blurred and/or double vision, difficulty swallowing,
muscle weakness, difficulty breathing, slurred speech, respiratory failure,
nosebleed, rapid pulse,
hypovolemic shock.
dehydration, lesions typically located on the elbows,
knees, and feet that may be painless or
painful, frequent passage of feces with blood
and/or mucus and in some cases vomiting of blood, coughing,
muscle aches, ear canal swelling causing pain and
tenderness to the touch, and abdominal cramps, flu-like symptoms, renal failure, profuse sweating, spleen and liver enlargement, small
red spots on the abdomen and chest, abdominal tenderness, agitation, bloody stools,
chills, confusion, attention deficit, delirium, fluctuating moods, hallucination,
nosebleeds, sluggishness, lethargic feeling, weakness,
and sore throat, fatigue, abdominal
pain, nausea, diarrhea, itching, jaundice, depression, delirium, headache, fever,
seizures, spastic paralysis, paralysis or death. Going green can produce dystopia resulting in
squalor, misery, poverty, suffering and early death. Going Green may also cause
a serious increase in infant and child mortality.
So are you ready?
Let's go Green Right Now and It Will Make You Better Than You Really Are!
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