“If a man is not a socialist at 20, he has no heart. If he is still a socialist at 40, he has no brain.” And if at 17 a girl thinks socialism is “where the community (rather than rich people) have ownership and control over their labor,” she’s been reading Teen Vogue.
Teen Vogue already does a bang-up job combining standard beauty-fashion-celebrity superficiality with standard gay-trans-feminist “woke” superficiality into a sort of glossy pop-cultural marxism (with bonus anal sex tutorials!). So why not venture into the real economic Marxism by introducing Karl Marx to the Clearasil set?
Sure, there are drawbacks to introducing Teen Vogue’s discerning readers to Uncle Karl, “the famed German [who] co-authored The Communist Manifesto with fellow scholar Friedrich Engels in 1848,” as Teen Vogue described him. For one thing, despite the hipster beard, his fashion sense was strictly proletarian – and not in the cool, street way. And he did most of his writing in a public library. I mean, what kind of dweebs are gonna see you write your deep thoughts in a library? Had they no coffee houses, no smoothie bars?
But Teen Vogue’s Danielle Corcione was undaunted because Marx’s ideas “later inspired millions of people to resist oppressive political leaders and spark political revolutions all over the world.” Cool, like #resist, right? Besides, Teen Vogue has a go-to educator in its Rolodex: “Former Drexel University professor George Ciccariello-Maher,” who was fired from Drexel for tweeting “All I Want For Christmas Is White Genocide.” And you can tell Ciccariello-Maher is a professional teacher because he makes sure his meaning is clear. He followed up that tweet with: “To clarify: when the whites were massacred during the Haitian revolution, that was a good thing indeed.”
“So how can teens learn the legacy of Marx’s ideas and how they’re relevant to the current political climate?” Corcione chirped.
Some quick suggestions:
- Look at Venezuela, where the people – in the form of Madero’s socialist government – are enjoying ownership of the nation’s massive oil industry. They can’t get food or toilet paper and they’re fleeing Venezuela by the thousands, but they own the means of production.
- Check out the “workers’ paradise” of Cuba, where actual Cubans aren’t allowed in the tourist hotels, the Nash Rambler is the hottest set of wheels, and it might take 10 years to save up for the laptop on which to read Teen Vogue (if it isn’t censored by the government.)
- North Korea is another fun and informative place to celebrate the Marx legacy (go in the spring – the new grass is delicious.)