Is your home on fire because your local fire department is run by three
lesbians named Kirsten and there’s no water because that department is
also being run by a diversity hire?
Sorry, maybe you should have bought diversity insurance.
The
vital infrastructure of yesterday’s cities used to be run by somebody’s
brother-in-law while the vital infrastructure of today’s cities is
being run by a professional grievance expert with the right combination
of skin color, sex and sexual appetites and makes that brother-in-law,
who at least managed to marry into the right family, look like a genius.
That’s bad news for you.
Every town, city and state is just one
crisis away from melting down like a Somali ice cream cone. Your power
grid consists of solar panels, wind turbines and other technology that
could barely power a medieval grain mill on the best of days roped
together with batteries stolen by migrants from defunct Teslas, and a
few actual leftover power plants paid for with carbon credits for a
turbine in Montana. The power company has a climate plan, an equity plan
and weekly DEI sessions, but it doesn’t have a plan for what to do when
the power goes down.
Your government is run by a few kids who
spent their college careers demanding safe spaces and complaining about
insensitive Halloween costumes and older drunken politicos waiting to
die in office who are scared to death of them. Instead of planning for
an actual disaster, everyone spent the last year arguing about Gaza
ceasefire resolutions and making plans for when the sea levels are
projected to rise in the 2030s. No one has been inside their actual
offices since the pandemic and the only work government officials have
done was in pajamas.
The police have been defunded. The few
remaining cops don’t answer calls because they don’t want to be featured
on the evening news. The ERs closed because they were filled with
migrants using them in lieu of health insurance. The doctors triage by
asking for pronouns. And in the event of a major disaster, relief
workers screen for Trump signs and offer handbooks about checking your
cishet privilege.
How do you cope with all this? Diversity insurance.
Regular
insurance covers natural disasters but diversity insurance protects you
against the unnatural disaster behind the natural disasters. Natural
disasters are unpredictable, but DEI disasters are extremely predictable
so the one thing you know is that whenever a disaster happens, an army
of DEI hires will make it that much worse. If a firestorm breaks out,
the DEI hires will have misplaced all the water. If a hurricane strikes,
DEI staffers will insist on handing out relief supplies based on the
sexual preferences of the recipients. If the power goes out, DEI hires
will make sure that it never comes on again because that would be bad
for the environment. And if an asteroid is headed for the earth, the DEI
hires will issue press releases warning that black people will be
hardest hit by the total extinction of the human race.
Someday,
top government, corporate and emergency positions will no longer be
staffed by sociology majors who got into Harvard by writing about the
time racist police officers randomly stopped them while they were going
95 miles an hour and smoking pot in a school zone, but until then,
diversity insurance is your best defense against every important
position being held by DEI morons.
Morons who hate you and view
every job, no matter the title, position or mission statement, as an
opportunity to deconstruct the parts of western civilization that don’t
directly benefit them.
Until then, there’s diversity insurance.
Diversity
insurance will insure you against DEI hires. When crime waves terrorize
your neighborhood, everything is on fire, including the fire
department, and the economy craters because the only economics training
the people in charge of it have is saying “late stage capitalism, am I
right” and rolling their eyes, diversity insurance will be there for
you.
Diversity insurance can’t stop DEI, but it can heal some of the damage done by DEI.
You
may think that you don’t need diversity insurance because you don’t
live in New York, Los Angeles or Minneapolis, but DEI can strike when
you least expect it. Even if you’re in the reddest town in a red state,
and you wouldn’t vote for a woke in a million years, companies,
including the ones responsible for your water, power and emergency
services, are still hiring college graduates from top schools who only
know that everything is racist. Especially you.
And even if your
town hasn’t been infested yet, the state and federal level is full of
them. So is your insurance company. And the private equity funds that
control it. And the union retirement pensions that control the private
equity funds. And the DEI hire politicians that control the union
pensions that control the private equity funds that control your
insurance companies.
Diversity insurance however doesn’t do DEI
hires. Unfortunately diversity insurance also doesn’t exist. Insurance
is supposed to protect you against possible disasters, not absolutely
certain ones. And DEI is the most certain disaster since the Titanic
decided to match wits with an iceberg. Insuring against diversity has
worse risk rates than a house built on a mudslide in the middle of an
earthquake that is sliding into the ocean just as a hurricane shows up.
It’s easier to insure an 18-year-old driving a Porsche in Chicago than against DEI.
There’s
no such thing as ‘diversity insurance’. And there’s no way to escape
diversity except by returning to a system based on merit and occasional
nepotism which is still better than a system whose only concept of merit
is a combo of toxic politics and correctly colored body parts.
You
may not be interested in DEI, but DEI is interested in you and will
destroy you. The only insurance against it is destroying it as
thoroughly as a DEI hire can destroy your local fire department, police
force or a sub sandwich. Either you destroy DEI or it will destroy you.
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