An Interview With VP Kamala Harris (Satire)

 July 11, 2024 By Robin M. Itzler

To reach different audiences, Vice President Kamala Harris agreed to an interview with Robin Itzler, editor of Patriot Neighbors and frequent American Thinker contributor. (Satire)

Editor's Note:  Cartoon added by me. RK

Me: Thank you for meeting with me today. It must be overwhelming being thrust into the position of possibly being your party’s presidential nominee.

Harris: A new position? As Willie Brown would tell you, I’m quite comfortable with new positions.

Me: There are some Americans who think you were selected as vice president solely because you check two boxes, both as a woman and a person of color.

Harris: Three boxes if you include my Jewish husband.

Me: Is your husband Douglas Emhoff an observant Jew?

Harris: Yes, he observes everything going on around him.

Me: I meant, is he a practicing Jew?

Harris: Of course, he practices! For example, in December, he practices so he doesn’t confuse the Hanukkah menorah with the Kwanzaa kinara.

Me: Your mother is from India, and your father is Jamaican. Do you consider yourself black or biracial?

Harris: It depends on the group I am speaking to.

Me: President Biden must also be a woman of color since he recently said during a radio interview that he is the “first black woman to serve with a black president.”

Harris: Oh, that Joe! (cackling) I am the blacker of us two. (More cackling) In fact, Joe seems a tad orange lately.

Me: Now that President Biden’s mental acuity issues are being discussed publicly, many wonder why you never told the American people about them because, as vice president, you frequently see him.

Harris: (cackling) Most days, President Biden works from 10 AM to 4 PM. I am a night person, so we always miss each other in the employee lounge. Did I mention I am black and a woman?

Me: Yes, you did. There are rumors that you and First Lady Jill Biden do not get along.

Harris: That’s ridiculous! That bi … I mean First Lady Biden and I have a wonderful working relationship. Just last week, she Fed Ex’d me a note suggesting that we partner on having land mines removed at the Ukraine-Russia border. Per her note, I would have the honor of walking first.

Me: Speaking of Ukraine, aren’t you concerned about the billions of dollars the United States has given the country?

Harris: Billions with a “B?”

Me: Yes, Madam Vice President. More than $175 billion since the start of the invasion.

Harris: We have? (cackles) Let me get back to you on that. Did I mention I am black and a woman?

Me: In March 2021, President Biden put you in charge of the southern border, but you’ve never gone there to see for yourself what is happening.

Harris: When the president told me to go to the border, I thought he meant Borders Books. My bad. I mistakenly spent many hours in bookstores.

Me: The American people will not accept that as an excuse.

Harris: The half that supports Joe Biden’s re-election will accept it. Did I mention I am black and a woman?

Me: It appears many traditional Democrat constituencies now support President Trump. This is especially true for black men, although you still have the support of black women. If you became the presidential nominee, would you be able to bring black men back to the Democrat ticket?

Harris: Yes (cackling), of course, I can lure black men to my side. Just ask Willie Brown!  (clears throat) In 2010, when I became California’s attorney general, 29 percent of male inmates were black. When I left after two terms that number had decreased to 28.5 percent. This is according to the California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation.

Me: That’s a decrease of just one-half of one percent! As attorney general, you put many black men behind bars for misdemeanors.

Harris: I need to get to a meeting. Did I mention I am black and a woman?

Me: If President Biden were to announce he’s not running for re-election and Democrats support you, what would you tell the American people to instill confidence?

Harris: (cackling … cackling … cackling) I would stand in front of a statue that Black Lives Matters destroyed and tell the American people that they can trust me in the White House. The White House is white. I’ve seen the White House, and I know it’s white. Everyone loves a house that is white. People really love a big house that is white. The White House that is white, has been white for a long time. I would probably be there for a short time.

Me: Thank you, Madam Vice President. Any final thoughts?

Harris: Yes, I am black and a woman.

On a more serious note, the Daily Wire is running a three-part series (total running time: 90 minutes) about Kamala Harris. The series is not behind a paywall, and it’s well worth seeing to understand the woman who is a heartbeat away from the Oval Office.

Robin M. Itzler is a regular contributor to American Thinker. She can be reached at PatriotNeighbors@yahoo.com