So You Want to be Green Do You?

Rich Kozlovich

Do you really want to be green? I mean, do you really....really want to be green! I don't hear that said all that often here in Ohio. After all we are true Midwesterners with Midwestern common sense, intelligence and wisdom, and most of the people I talk to are suffering from green fatigue; but we have our enclaves of irrationality too.

There are those who just insist that they are green, or really want to be as green as possible, and there are those who would like to be green but aren’t quite sure what it takes. Quite frankly I don’t care either way if they choose to be green as long as they don’t ask me to join them on their psychedelic journey. I often wonder what green really means to them, because being green seems to mean different things to different people. I have spent years reading and writing about this subject so I think I can outline what it means to be green in a brief summary of twenty five points.

1. To understand what it means to be green is to understand what it means to lack honor, courage, intelligence, integrity, and above all, a love for truth.  All the while believing that you will stand at a higher level of social morality than the rest of humanity.
2. In order to be green you will be required to stand up for things which are unproven or un-provable.
3. You must be willing to accept speculation as fact.
4. You must be willing to promote policy based on speculation.
5. You must be willing to support things that aren't true.
6. You must be willing to refute or reject those things which are true!
7. You must refuse to hear any evidence contrary to the green litany.
8. Those in pest control must proclaim our unwavering resolve to support Integrated Pest Management (IPM), Deep IPM, True IPM, Green Pest Control, Organic Pest Control, or whatever is the latest “green” philosophical flavor of the day.
9. You must resolve to support the idea that pesticides cause a whole host of maladies and are destroying the environment.
10. To understand what it means to be green is to be able to swallow to most noxious misanthropic concepts and convince yourself that these vile reasonings are elegant intellectual thoughts.
11. You must ignore the evidence that pesticides have provided for longer, healthier and better fed lives than ever before in human history.
12. You must believe that living longer, healthier lives is bad for the planet.
13. You must believe that capitalism is the world’s greatest enemy because it is causing global warming and gives us better and longer lives.
14. You will have to believe that the billions of cases of sickness or death that has afflicted people as a result of greenie policies are acceptable.
15. Although we can’t predict tomorrow’s weather with any real degree of accuracy, you must believe that not only can we predict climate (which is far more complex) 100 years out, but you must believe that humanity can control it in spite of the fact we can’t control today’s rain.
16. You must believe we have to abandon all modern conveniences and return to nature and become one with the biosphere by living the primitive life.
17. You have to believe that all energy sources are evil.
18. You must accept the idea that the world is over populated and so it is acceptable to impose policies that will rid the world of a minimum of about four billion people.
19. It will not be acceptable for you to turn your nose up to people who believe that it is acceptable for humanity to be eliminated.
20. You will have to believe that humans are no more important than a worm.
21. You must accept fairy tales of people like Rachel Carson, the Mother of Junk Science, and her acolytes and call it science.
22. You must be willing to reject the evidence of history and our own eyes.
23. You must drink the Kool-Aid and breathe the fumes of the fever swamps of environmentalism.
24. You must believe that insanity is now sanity
25. You absolutely must be irrational, misanthropic, morally defective and be prepared to hallow that which is unholy!

There....that is all it takes to be truly green! Have a really good day!